Let the Sunshine In!

So I'm stuck at work with the law enforcement academy drop out. I figured I should blog and at least right my thoughts down before I start telling how where he can go. He's not a bad guy he just annoys the crap out of me. It's the same thing everytime he comes in. Come into work, dick around with email, and take an hour to get started doing anything. It's not hard to understand why he never made it as a cop. It's not my place to judge but I can't stand the routine. Maybe in the end it's just me, I seriously need to get out of this place and into my own field. He's only been here for twenty minutes and he's whining about his housing situation. I hate that he acts like a lazy, whiny ass little bitch. Enough said on that topic :)!

So anyways I guess I should update everyone on the family situation. I'm honestly tired of being known as a the person who grew up in a dysfunctional and abusive family. It's old. I mean I've spent so much of my time just focusing on work and school that I haven't really had much of a life ever. It think I became an overachiever to compensate for the fact that my home life. I'm tired. I want to just live.

I'm also tired of pushing everyone who ever tries to get close to me away. I mean it's like an anxiety situation. I don't want them to go but at the same time I feel the need to push them away if I think they are getting too close.

In all honestly I am over it. I mean I'm just tired of feeling like that. I don't care anymore about dealing with that stuff. Where does it get me? No where. I mean I'm just tired.

I've seen normal relationships and families from the outside. I've never really thought about myself ever having one of those. Recently though something hasn't been sitting right with me. And in the end, that's what it was. I want normalacy and stabilitiy.

So I say goodbye to the dysfunction and hello to normality. At least in the end I know that what I went through will let me be a better advocate for crime victims and a better prosecutor.