I'm up for another forty minutes so I figured I would write a blog. I just thought about this but I think its something I need to share. It shows you anyone can be a victim....
Back when I was in undergrad I went to one of the main state schools to attend a party at a fraternity. A member of the fraternity was a friend of the friend I went with. I met a nice looking guy (kind of like a young Robert Redford) who seemed to be really nice but I did not pay much attention to him. He played tennis at the school, was vice-president of the fraternity, and was in the honors program. Very impressive and was a good conversationalist.
I went back to my own school. A few days I got a phone call from this guy. I had not given him my number. He had managed to get in touch with the friend who I had went to the party with. That friend gave him my number. He had gone out of his wayy to try and talk to me. It was a nice gesture. We started talking (despite the fact I had already met my longterm boyfriend at the time). I thought "what a nice guy".
He came from a fairly well to do family outside of DC. He was an only child. Parents were solid and he was driving a brand new car he got for his 21st birthday. He was the same year I was in school (sophmore). He stated after his first year he went home to work for a year in his chosen career field. I bought into that.
Well soon after I started talking to him it all went downhill. At first it was really nice. Then I found out he was talking to some girl at another school. I went to his dorm room (by this time I found out his fraternity had kicked him out) and he had this chick's pictures on his wall. I didn't even say anything. He ended up getting mono and this other chick came to "take care of him." I didn't even find out he had mono from him. This stupid girl told me (What made it worse was that this girl had a male friend who wanted to "talk" to me aka get to know me. How fucked up is that?).
At this point I had enough. I sent him packing. I mean what a louse right? I wish it ended there. I ended up taking him back. He got worse. He was on medication for depression and it turned out he had missed his year of college due to this. There were hints of alcohol and substance abuse as well. My dumbass still did not get it.
He also would just randomly leave his parents house and drive various places. I would get phone calls from his mom pleadings to know the whereabouts of their son. It was crazy. He also stopped going to class and ended up failing all of his classes that semester.
After all of this this dysfunctional relationship turned violent. The first time I can remember it getting violent was when we were driving. I asked him about that girl (or some other girl) that he messed around with. He got so mad that he started talking about wrecking the car and killing both of us. He also was driving at a high rate of speed. It was fairly scary. I actually do believe this was earlier on in the relationship.
Next time we got into a shoving match. He shoved me so hard my back hurt me for days afterward. We did not talk for almost a month after that.
Eventually we reconciled. The behavior continued on as before. He would not re-enroll in school for the following term. I eventually did go and meet his parents. They seemed liked good people who, like myself, were trapped by their son's probelms.
The next violent episode occurred when I demanded money that he owed me after I paid to get his car after it had been towed (I told him that the would tow vehicles in the area where he parked). We went back to his friend's apartment where he was staying. After I demanded he pay me he proceeded to put his hands on me and shove me to the ground. There he held me down, put his hand on my eyeball, and threatened to poke my eyeball out. He then shoved me up against the wall. I managed to get my purse and run for the door. The next morning he showed up at my house all apologetic.
The final episode came when I went back to college that fall. He went off again (without telling his parents). He showed up at my dorm. I was cool with him being their at first but after all that I wanted him to leave. I was going home for the weekend and he wanted to stay. I finally just had enough and said "Get out. I'm tired of you and your problems. I want you to leave. It's over." I realized then that he's packing up his stuff and he states "You never keep your promises."
Next thing I know I'm getting smacked upside the head with a rolled up towel. I just looked back at him and said "Will you please just LEAVE?" He continued so I grabbed the phone and told him I was calling the police. It then got real ugly.
I can honestly say that I can say that I know what it looks like when someone looks like the want to kill you because at this point he was looking at me this way. He grabbed for me and I threw the phone at him. He threw me onto my bed and grabbed my throat. He started to strangle me. I was blacking out.
I then managed to get one of my feet loose and I kicked him where it hurt (aka the balls). He went down. I ran for the door and made it outside. A girl on my hall heard the struggle and was looking out to see what was happening. I ran into her room, called the police, and locked the door. He packed his stuff up and got out before the cops made it. After this I realized I was tasting blood. He had busted my mouth. I also had finger bruises on my neck from where he had grabbed my throat. I was also in pain from being thrown around.
I pressed charges. He was charged with assault and battery along with trespassing. He ended up going to court, lying to the judge, and was found guilty. He was given 90 days in jail (suspended), 1 year of supervised probation, 30 hours of community service, $200.00 fine with court costs, mental health evaluation, and had to be compliant with any treatment or medication ordered.
I had a nice victim's advocate who was with me in court. My parents went to court with me. Weird thing was that the day of the incident my father had dreamed that I was going to be found strangled in my dorm room.
I'm writing this for a reason. Anyone, male or female, can the victim in a relationship like this. If you are with someone and they are being physical, emotionally, or verbally abuse LEAVE. You cannot make them better. In the end it will all consume you.
As for the jackass I am writing about he moved out of the state and I assume graduated college. I made sure of that a few months ago. So even me, future federal prosecutor, has been a victim.
